Tuesday, April 7, 2009

excitement and dissapointment at the same time


right now at this moment my feeling is mixed.actually a few hours ago i went home happily after meeting and studying with my new friends in the language course place.i feel really exciting although the lesson is getting tougher and tougher but i dont mind to learn it at all since it is one of my fave lesson.for me its like conquering one challenge, can i do it or not, as simple as that.

but unfortunately this wasn't last very long,right after i check my emails in the internet, somehow i feel angry and dissapointed with some of my old friends.i just dont know it felt like  im no longer one of their important friend,as the one i thought would be the one who is the most considerate about me didn't even bother to ask or say hi.

well maybe i judge too fast or maybe my feeling now is correct.maybe i'd rather keep a distance far enough not to be dissapointed like this again in the future.i have to say that the most precious trustworthy bestfriend i've ever had, one and still my lovely diary and no other.i dont have to listen to complaints,i dont have to bother with the grudges,the hatred,the dissapointment, and whatever that is which makes me sick to my stomach.but on the contrary,im the one who'll be listened without doubts and complaints.

i close the world of mine to other,i keep the real me inside my castle of heart as no one would ever guess whats inside.only me and God who know. i promise my self not to ever believe in someone too much until it damned hurt my own feeling again.i would trust no one but myself. the one who share the most of me is God,me and nevertheless my dear hubby.

i treasure the friendships i have most of the time but it felt like being used always.i cant take it anymore,i'd rather meet new strangers,new people and i dont have to be so open with them, somehow its relieving and more fun these days.its a pity my excitement ruined by seeing all of this unnecessary views. 

among the strangers...

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