Thursday, July 30, 2009

fishball on the hot sauce of hidden anger


today, nothing was so exceptional happened,just some ordinary daily routine activities.my hubby's uncle came to visit and he stayed for couple of hours here.everything was just so normal and rather plain actually,we're laugh and talked just as usual.we're both even ate the fishball and meatball he made the other day.

but the thing is change after i saw something that bothered me for quite sometimes.we're debating and talking things in our own perspective.its about forgiving and forgetting,for me both of them is something that wouldn't easily be done.nobody except for God, have any ideas what's inside me. all the long time traumas,the hatred,the anger,the sadness, seem to be mixed within my personality now.all of the moments of happiness is a long lost battle by those feelings.inside my mind has never cease to dissapear the fear and anxious toward my surroundings,especially people.God knows how long i have thinking and question myself let it free,and also loosen up a little the protection inside your heart,but then again its just not as easy as it said.

rightnow my heart is in the grave war situation between 2 opposite thoughts of what should i do next and deal with the problem.somehow i felt rather guilty to my love,no matter how i am, he's the source of patience.a very good kind loving one,that i cant grateful enough the blessing for having him beside me.it feels like redeeming wouldn't be such a bad idea. 

another fishball,meatball and other food are just the love  for me.  

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