Thursday, November 1, 2012

Our wedding anniversary

Today will be the last day before celebrating our wedding ceremony tomorrow. It brings me back to the old time memories of our story. I met him, we barely talked and we got married. All I keep in mind is that I believe in God's destiny for me. I have faith in everything that I have decided for my life. Spending my life with him is one of those decision that took a lot of efforts to hold on to.It's not an easy thing indeed to keep my marriage life steady, cause it took tons of times and energy to tolerate, understand, appreciate, accept and sincerely devote everything for the sake of it.

It occurred to me that some of my friends have lost it along the way.They didn't care anymore about the commitment, trust, honesty, intimacy which once they've shared in the beginning of their marriage. They often excused themselves for being not in love or unable to love their partner, although they already have children among them. They also blamed every single thing they could think of  as a prerogative right, which is actually wrong, to cheat and find another love interest outside their own spouses.Up until know, no matter how I think about it by re-listing their reasons, I can't find an acceptable one to grant their attitudes. I feel sorry for them as they didn't appreciate what life's stored for them.May God always protect me from such things.

Aside of them, I remember all the good and bad times between us - me and my hubby, all the sacrifices, the tears, joy, sadness, anger, happiness we've shared through these years.I have always been grateful for God has sent him to me. I could never think of anyone else than him to be by my side. He who understands me more than others.He who always be patience with me, accepts me for who I am. I can't think of any other reason but one thing that he's truly the best-ever-God-given blessing for me. I wish we can get through the rest of our life together until the death do us part. Amiin.

my wish


I wish this world would appear in definite black and white but no,unfortunately it isn't. The shade of grey will always be in between.

I wish I can see clearly the people whom I can put my trust to, but no, unfortunately I can't distinguish between the sincerity and lies anymore.

I wish to live in my beautiful imagination, so that I wouldn't have to see the rotten part of this real life has stored for me, but no, there's no such thing ever exist.

I wish to see the real faces of my friends along their real attitude but no, faceless unknown friends seems to put my heart content more than they do.

I wish the innocent and honest children would rule everything instead of some adults who are wagging their tails to get what they want in every way possible.although it means by breaking all the rules and hurting others.

I wish nothing but God to always be with me in every step of the way.

Prinsip atau Fanatik

Sudah sekian lama hal ini bersemayam dipikiran saya. Ada yang bilang bahwa terdapat beberapa rambu yang tidak boleh dilanggar dalam hidup ini terutama untuk urusan keyakinan karena itu telah menjadi hak asasi setiap orang semenjak lahir. Tetapi ketika ego dan emosi sebagai sifat alami manusia yang seiring perjalanan tumbuh menyeruak lalu menguasai hati dan pikiran seseorang, maka yang ada ketika mereka berbicara dan berbuat akan selalu berdasarkan dua hal tersebut tanpa mengindahkan faktor lainnya seperti logika atau akal sehat.

Setiap orang tentunya tidak akan mau dihakimi atau didikte hanya karena pilihan atau keputusan hidup yang mereka buat, tetapi bukan tidak mungkin mereka juga akan memaksakan kehendak mereka pada orang lain disekitarnya. Agama adalah hal sakral yang menjadi pilihan penting pertama bagi kebanyakan orang sebagai penuntun dan pedoman hidup dimana setiap individu akan mempunyai pilihan yang relatif berbeda dalam hal selera dan implementasinya dalam kehidupan sehari-hari.

Ketika kita telah menentukan apa yang menjadi pilihan kita, prinsip yang akan kita pegang teguh, seyogyanya atau bahkan seharusnya dan sepantasnya lah kita berpedoman pada hal itu dan berusaha menjalankan sesuai aturan yang ada. Tetapi itu tidak melegitimasi hak kita untuk melakukan invasi pd hak pribadi orang lain. Saat kita ingin mencoba menanamkan dan menyebarkan hal yang baik tentunya bukan dengan cara provokasi yang menyulut perpecahan atau pertengkaran tidak penting dengan mereka yang kita anggap tidak sefaham dengan kita. Akan lebih baik apabila kita menunjukkan hal positif dan berbagi pengetahuan dan pengalaman dengan mereka yg memiliki prinsip berbeda. Dengan duduk berbicara dari hati ke hati bukan dengan menuduh tanpa tahu alasan sebenarnya dibelakang sebuah tindakan yang diambil seseorang.

Setiap manusia atau individu pastinya ingin dan selalu merasa sebagai pribadi yang paling benar tetapi manusia bukan malaikat yang tidak pernah berbuat salah. Memperjuangkan prinsip kita pun bukan dengan cara yang akan menimbulkan kontradiksi berlebihan tetapi lebih kepada pergaulan yang baik dan penjelasan dengan prinsip saling tenggang rasa. Karena bila mereka tertarik dengan sendirinya akan ikut dan mencari lebih jauh informasi yang mereka inginkan.

Saya punya teman berbeda jenis dari kulit, ras, suku, agama, kebiasaan bahkan tempat tinggal walaupun untuk segelintir orang, mereka dengan santainya melempar persepsi bahwa saya sama saja dan tidak punya prinsip hanya karena berteman baik dengan teman2 saya tanpa tahu hal yang sebenarnya. Sayang sekali bila mereka tetap berpikiran seperti itu.Memang ada sebagian dari teman saya yang memiliki kebiasaan hidup yang bertentangan dengan prinsip yang saya pegang karena kami memang berbeda tetapi bukan berarti saya harus seperti mereka dan saya memaksa mereka hrs spt saya dengan serta merta. Sebagai contoh ada teman saya dari luar yang minum alkohol, berpacaran diluar nikah, atau apapun itu yang bertentangan dengan prinsip saya bukan berarti saya sama dengan mereka karena sy tidak mengikuti kebiasaan mereka, sy hanya sekedar menghormati hak mereka walaupun terkadang melontarkan pendapat pribadi tentang hal itu sesuai dgn prinsip saya.Mereka pun menghormati saya dan prinsip yang saya pegang. Bandingkan dengan orang yang rajin dan sering datang pada acara ibadah ditempat ibadah tetapi masih melakukan hal yang buruk diluaran seperti mencuri, memfitnah orang dan menyebar kabar bohong kepada org lain. Tidak pernah ada ketetapan pada hati seseorang kecuali dia sendiri yang berusaha meneguhkannya.Tidak akan pernah ada rasa syukur akan sesuatu sampai kita kehilangannya.Lagipun kita bukan orang barbar yang memukul dan berperang dengan fisik tapi dengan otak cerdas yang sudah dianugrahkan tuhan kepada kita.

jadi intinya janganlah menilai seseorang bila tidak tahu secara detail seluk beluk orang tersebut secara pribadi dan membentuk asumsi sekenanya.Kita tidak akan pernah bisa mengetahui semua hal dialam semesta ini karena kita bukan Tuhan.tetapi tetap Kita sendiri yang menentukan kearah mana kita memilih jalan.saya pastinya pun punya banyak salah karena saya hanya manusia biasa, karena kesempurnaan tetap hanya milik Yang Diatas..

(renungan pribadi bukan terinspirasi kasus Lady gaga :P)

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Fishy

I don't know whether I truly live in reality or somewhere in the dreamland rightnow because I can't differ those two worlds anymore. I used to be an optimistic person in which somehow having that belief  'I can achieve the best if I do the best', but not anymore, especially in terms I'm having now.

Oh how I really miss those days in my previous schools where everything seemed to work out just fine when all I do is only studying and try my best without cheating, sucking up on someone shoes and giving fishy gratitude signs. I could determine where I wanted to be, what I wanted to be. either to achieve the best or ended up being a fool. However in this 'education world' I'm living in at the moment, such thing does not exist. As much as I try my hardest, almost all ended up in waste land. The people that I look up to, those who suppose to show me  great examples of being noble, high dignity, responsible, honest and sincere, most of them have failed to do so. I was forced to accept the bitter facts and realities of how cruel and unfair the world is, without ever given a chance to stand up and show what I can do without screaming out loud so those ears would hear instead of listening to me carefully.

All my life, I 've never been in this kind of situation before. I always have this thought of 'may the best be the winner' but it doesn't work here.The potential or talent have failed to show some effects for some people, money did. As if nothing would be achieved without money had to do something with it. I may sound desperate or angry but this is how I truly feel. My spirit to keep fighting slowly fade away as the time goes by. There's no excuse in living this life, some people once taught me, but this is my excuse for not doing so well no matter how hard I try. They just don't want to see me as me but merely as an object. In addition to this 'lovely' environment, I have such lovely friends who would only think how to survive themselves by all means necessary even if by sacrificing me as the black sheep for all the trouble for fighting something good.I can pretty much see what's so good and unforgettable side about this school. Above all that, I still have some true friends, great teachers, but that's just not enough to help me deal with all troubles I'm having right now.

May God keep me in good mind and never let me go insane because of this.  

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Do you believe in Karma?

Have you ever heard the words of wisdom ' what you reap is what you sow'? Have you ever imagine when you do something, it will indirectly have impact on you later on as the result? you may have or have not. However, for me personally, it's about some kind of chain reaction. you start something good, you will eventually rewarded with the same amount or maybe more goodness ahead of you. On the contrary, when you reverse the action, the result would be much worse than you could ever imagine.

I believe in one of God's virtue in the Holy Book of Alqur'an and Hadits, that a prayer from a tormented or tortured innocent people has no barrier to Him to be refused.In other words, it must be granted as it is. I've been in that certain experience, when unknowingly I've been threatened for no reason for more than a year. Along that tiring moments, not only one time that I almost snapped it out and lost it, broke the wall of patience, but no, luckily I was stronger and sensible not to accept the shallow challenge. Instead of doing the same horrible thing, I hoped and prayed to God to help me and  my prayers were granted. Without me noticing and realizing what truly happened, those people had met the equal payment somehow. I cant laugh of their misfortune but I was relieved that the misery was finally over.

Lately, I 've been facing the similar situation in which I have not expected in the very beginning. As always, I will only do what I need to do as I did back then.I ought to be smarter than that. I will not let it drag me down that low for I believe God's on my side as long as I'm in a good and honest way.I believe I will have God's hands on me when I need it for I afraid when I do something bad it will backfires on me in a much more horrible way.Just to remember,' you can never hide a stinky corpse forever no matter how tidy you wrapped it up, someday somehow people will sense and smell it even from a far'. By then, the consequences are waiting in front of our face to deal with. So,please do remember(including  reminding my own self), when you sacrifice everything just to save you own self or your own accord/interest, even if it means by ruining other people's life or creating troubles, disadvantages, problem, whatever it is, please prepare yourself for greater surprises in front of you sooner that you would've expected. And surely it won't be something beautiful.

my drawing 'sad wings'

Thursday, April 5, 2012

I knew it!

Today, I've learned another lesson that I hardly swallowed with my clear logic.I barely can stand with this kind of bulls*** any longer. I've never expected to be like this, to be difficult like this when I try to be who I am. I'm not the kind of person who love or enjoy herself in kissing someone's shoes just to get good grade that I deserved to get in the 1st place. Life is unfair I know, but how stupid can they be when they just allow such thing to happen? especially in terms of 'respectful' job they're doing. I don't like to show my respect to those who are full of themselves, think of themselves as the all high and mighty people. I won't give to such nonsense, but I put my mind now that I might not take a look another way to that path anymore. I don't want to be another hypocrite, I just want to be who I am.

My parent raised me in a proper manner, and I will just let it go. I just had enough already.

Thursday, February 2, 2012

sincerity

Just yesterday I watched on TV someone quite famous has died of his sickness.It got me thinking of something crucial about human being, about being sincere. It reminded me of one Korean Drama I've watched before, 49days, especially the part when the soul reaper showed the lost soul of a coma girl one funeral scene and taught her about sincerity based on tears. There are tears of happiness - happy because of someone's death, symbolized by black colored tears.Questionable or mixed feeling tears-between sad and happy, sad because of losing someone important and happy out of greed because of the insurance policy or the inheritance s/he will get, symbolized by colorful tears.Tears of courtesy or as act of manner, just because of the situation and being polite someone shed the tears without feeling truly sad,symbolized by red colored tears.  The last one is tears of sincerity, whereas usually shed by family member like parent or siblings who has true love towards the one who passed away, symbolized by crystal clear tears.

As i saw it on the news, i kept thinking the tears of his friends, was it real or fake? was it truly come from the heart or just another act of modesty to gain some sympathy?well i would never knew that anyway, cause the depth of one's heart can never be discovered by other but only him/herself and the Mighty God. I just hope I can always be sincere and honest to everyone I love,always return their feeling, their trust with the same amount or even more and never betray or hurt them as long as I live.I hope they can feel it, cause nothing really matter the most but share the true bond of affection that comes from sincerity.I do believe in karma,it's like getting what we deserve, if we do good deed it will return to us the same way or even better, however if we do bad things, then just prepare ourselves for the consequences, even the worst nightmare we'll ever get.

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

the princess man, 49 days (Korean Drama 2011)

 The Princess man

Synopsis:  It's a Chosun dynasty version of “Romeo and Juliet”.click here for complete info.


49 days

Synopsis: a lost soul search for a sincerity.click here for complete info.

Review after watching: First, the princess man (tPM), The beginning was promising and I thought the story line would be lighter than all the previous dramas I've watched before,such as Iljimae, painter of the wind, etc, but I was wrong. This was the exact mainstream of Korean drama with old time setting.In the end, the protagonists who had suffered a lot gained a little bit of happiness meanwhile the antagonists didn't get what he deserved. I know revenge is not the solution, however its not the best choice either for the ending of the story by making the protagonists became so wise and forgiving toward the enemies who have killed his family members. All in the name of love, what a tiring love story, quite predictable,although the chemistry built rather nicely between the main casts.Overall, quite nice about the love story but so so for the whole plot.
And now about the 2nd drama, 49days. Actually my sis offered me to watch the DVD a few weeks before its aired on the local TV(currently still airing) but that time I wasn't interested. After I watched several episodes, I decided to borrow it to watch the whole episodes without waiting everyday for it. It was interesting, also offered some funny parts where we can laugh but on the other hand, cried a lot because of some devastating scenes. It worshiped the divinity of love, taught us the real human figures and personalities, ambitions,etc. We may see what we want to see, but not what we need to see.I may expect the ending to be different but its also reasonable with what they showed anyway.