Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Fishy

I don't know whether I truly live in reality or somewhere in the dreamland rightnow because I can't differ those two worlds anymore. I used to be an optimistic person in which somehow having that belief  'I can achieve the best if I do the best', but not anymore, especially in terms I'm having now.

Oh how I really miss those days in my previous schools where everything seemed to work out just fine when all I do is only studying and try my best without cheating, sucking up on someone shoes and giving fishy gratitude signs. I could determine where I wanted to be, what I wanted to be. either to achieve the best or ended up being a fool. However in this 'education world' I'm living in at the moment, such thing does not exist. As much as I try my hardest, almost all ended up in waste land. The people that I look up to, those who suppose to show me  great examples of being noble, high dignity, responsible, honest and sincere, most of them have failed to do so. I was forced to accept the bitter facts and realities of how cruel and unfair the world is, without ever given a chance to stand up and show what I can do without screaming out loud so those ears would hear instead of listening to me carefully.

All my life, I 've never been in this kind of situation before. I always have this thought of 'may the best be the winner' but it doesn't work here.The potential or talent have failed to show some effects for some people, money did. As if nothing would be achieved without money had to do something with it. I may sound desperate or angry but this is how I truly feel. My spirit to keep fighting slowly fade away as the time goes by. There's no excuse in living this life, some people once taught me, but this is my excuse for not doing so well no matter how hard I try. They just don't want to see me as me but merely as an object. In addition to this 'lovely' environment, I have such lovely friends who would only think how to survive themselves by all means necessary even if by sacrificing me as the black sheep for all the trouble for fighting something good.I can pretty much see what's so good and unforgettable side about this school. Above all that, I still have some true friends, great teachers, but that's just not enough to help me deal with all troubles I'm having right now.

May God keep me in good mind and never let me go insane because of this.  

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