Sunday, August 18, 2013

Getting close to the final goal.

Well, it has been quite a while since the last time I wrote something in this blog. Frankly speaking, I don't know what to write and barely have time to do it anyway. However, since today is my last day of long holiday, I will try to at least share something by writing a post.

In the next few months,(hopefully within 3months or less) I would be able to achieve the long lost dream and make my parents proud with it. I hope everything will go on smoothly without any obstacles that matters. I have been through a lot during this half year of 2013. It wouldn't be appropriate for me to describe what had happened but for sure it was not something easy to deal with.

Right now, to be honest, I'm quite anxious with things that I will face in front of me. Will I be able to do it? I pray to God for it so much that I will. I'm on a verge of facing my biggest fear in socializing myself to certain situation and community. I have to find the strength to added up my confidence, backing up my motivation and sole purpose. 

I'm thinking to finish the whole thing as soon as I can if it's possible. I want to continue working on something I love rather than putting myself in an awkward situation with the burden of helplessness and weakness. If only  things were as easily said as what I can write here, I would be very pleased. It's unimaginable for me sometimes to face certain people who did nothing but taking some advantages from my disability to fight back due to the circumstances and situation. On the other hand, dealing with them is a must to finish where I want it to.

I just hope to God it will be over soon and I can continue my life as I want to and do things as I planned on my mind for the sake of the future.Ameen    


Thursday, March 28, 2013

Life is not only a bunch of miracles, is it?





Well, it happened again and again. It’s irritating and annoying but what can I do? simply nothing. I ‘m already weary, exhausted with all I’ve seen for the past 2.5 years.  All I have in mind is just putting my first priority and goal to be the only top list that I have to concentrate on for the rest of the time I have here for my parents’ sake. Actually, I’m truly eager with the need to take some fresh air, fresh environment, fresh and bright aura and damn; I really miss my time with my imaginations, my solitude art life which stores nothing but honesty without mask on. I don’t have to hide what I have in mind and only becoming who I am. I don’t want to pretend to be someone else, put a fake cheerful face and friendly smile; hence I’m not a role player. In brief, I just need to put my mind in the right place comfortably.

My mom told me to be responsible in everything that I do, I have been taught to do what’s right and it doesn’t change just because I grow older, busier, and lazier for I have no right to use those as excuses. I’m not being righteous, I’m a mere human who try to make her life easier. I don’t think life is a bunch of miracles which give us nothing but fun, happiness or success no matter what we do. No, it’s quite the opposite, there are always balances that I might not get what I want but it always sucks when I lose after trying my hardest especially to those who by all means, do things necessary to smooth their way through even if its wrong, and meanwhile only in this place that possibility ever happens almost continuously not anywhere else and never happened to me in other places either. Only God knows why. I just wish there will be a huge wind of changes that wipe it all straight away and I can smile lightheartedly without any worries left. I just hope for this one, time flies…

It’s not that all of the things are worst; there are still some people that exist with their senses but just not good enough. Someone’s capability can’t be measured only by their attitudes, by not kissing the almighty someone’s butt. If the authorized person do the job properly, I don’t it the misjudge act will occur anyway. Dislike me for telling what’s on my mind? So be it, I write to express not to impress or kiss some …
 
(insert pic is mine-the death of Andy Warhol)